Prolapse?

Is this just another relapse? Or a prolapse? I want to consider it a prolapse, but I can't think properly. The more I search, the more it confuses me. "Addiction is the only disease that tells you it is not a disease", how true. I managed to actually convince myself last night that I am not an addict. Now I have convinced myself that I'm an idiot, at least I'm right about something.
I can't remember much, but what I do remember is the way I felt; regret, but in the end, I didn't give a fuck all but I knew something was up, and I couldn't stop it, I was a sinking ship. I couldn't handle it, my head was burning, I couldn't walk, eyes; redder than the devils dick, inebriated, unable to control myself. I thought I was going to get an anxiety attack, thank god for all those breathing exercises that I've learned this past month. All I could wish for was my sobriety. Waking up was a different story, tears all over my face that caused my makeup to smudge, hair messier than sex, along with drums pounding on my head, last night, was not worth it. Throwing away all those days that I put all my effort into. There's time to get back up, and get those days back, stop loafting on my step work, and stay clean. I got to pull through, and pick up from where I left off. Day one, done, now time to settle down.