Idk what's been up with me lately. Once again I come home feeling down on myself. This isn't a pitty blog though. It's a realization one. I noticed for the past few parties, my high lights of the night have either been helping clean the house, talking to the parents, and helping out drunk infants. This particular party however, I did all three, I loved it. I love helping others, it makes me feel good. Which I know sounds selfish in a sense, but it's a win-win situation, I help one, and at the same time enjoy it. It permits me to feel like I am on this planet of misery for a reason. I've believed that I have been put here to help others. However, I must put myself first, I must be happy with myself before I can lift everyone else. At this party, I wanted to cry. I don't even understand why, whether it was because people were telling me how strong I am, or just how proud they are of my sobriety. Whichever it was, I was in sorrow. I just needed to shred a tear, it's such a relief when I do. I don't approve of crying, I feel like there's no reason to cry after the trauma's that I've been through, but I just need to remember, at times it's good to, even healthy in a sense.
Overall, I am proud of myself for staying clean, 35 days and counting.
Staying strong, staying positive, and living out everyday to the fullest, keeping my mom proud, and loving it.
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