One day I'm gonna lose the war.

I'm feeling really uncomfortably numb.. I don't like it. Once again, on a mission to discover what these exact "feelings" are.. Feeling..s.. fuck them. One second I'm feeling good next feeling great.. then bam I wanna cry. I wish I could leave them behind like I do everyday. I focus on others, I observe, learn, and I help. I give what I've learned to make others lives easier, I like to watch others succeed.. Where does that leave me. I wish I could care for myself as much as I do for others..  I want a lot.. I just want to be happy.