Let there be magic in your smile and firmness in your handshake.

I miss..

Feeling alive, I miss enjoying life, I miss my real smile and when I couldn't wipe it off my face. I miss going months without crying, but most of all I miss being happy.

Just close your eyes, forget your name, forget the world, now go insane!

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK

fuck emotions, fuck people, fuck food, fuck drugs, fuck the fuckers, fuck the haters fuck me, fuck everything. JUST FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK IT ALL, and most of all fuck you.

i'm going to sleep now.

Forever alone..

LOL like litterally. I did exactly what I thought I would. At home alone while sitting in bed listening to "Wish you were here". Sounds pretty depressing, it actually was. However, overall bearable..
I guess? Idk, I laugh about it now, that's prolly cause I'm stoned though..
I'm going downhill, I can feel her, that bitchyjane dragging me down that shitty old, rough, muddy, path.
It angers and discuses me in all honesty.
Why do I keep going back to her then?
You know what they say..
"You have to touch the burning stove a few times until you realize you're getting burned"
 I mean earlier today before going to VV boutique with Kate, I was fucking tripping out in my room.
Mad paranoia, I felt schizophrenic for moments, my heart rate going at 100 beats/minute. it was fucked. I didn't enjoy it whatsoever.
I fucking realize.. I really do.
Enough with all this saying bullshit..
Doesn't mean anything until I put it into action, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.


I hope that made sense..

I don't cry..

Ramble on..

That was weird, it was like a wind of emotions hitting me all at once.
It's this song man, it's getting to me..
I'm debating whether I should embrace these emotions, or just numb and laugh them off.
This is all so much right now, I'm just confused.
I don't know where I stand, but in the back of my mind I just know I have to be sober.
At least to figure out the the main idea of it all.
I'm 17.. What a trip.. I haven't written here since I was 16...... Weird.
So many thoughts coming in and out, I just can't seem to catch them all,
fucking ADHD right.. gotta get that shit checked out..
I'm done rambling

It's my birthday..

I can't sleep. I'm worried about today, I'm worried that it'll be shitty. I'm worried that things won't work out. I'm just worried..
FUCK, I just want to be happy.

I feel like shit, I'm starting over

God..

Grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I can not change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference