And every occasion, ill be ready for the funeral.

Asphyxiation

I feel worn out, like a rag that's been torn apart. I'm at war with the world, life, and myself. I'm merely living off a sheer thread of hope, and it's being torn apart. I smashed my head to quiet the thoughts. I clawed my surface to match my inner. I flushed my body raw. It's crisp, and dented. I'm slaughtered from the outside-in. Misery at it's finest.

Throughout the day, I had this feeling overtaking my body, that my life was going to end. I got dressed for the occasion; I figured if I'm going to die, may as well be prepared. As the day sailed aong, I realized nothing drastic was occurring, apart from my depression and suicidal idealistic thoughts, of course. However the thoughts of suicide grew greater and stronger, to the point where I was seconds away from jumping in front of moving train. Considering I didn't, I was dreading making it back home, alive. Those few seconds of contemplating between life and death already drew me apart from reality itself. I felt that alone was an escape. This is a planet surmounted with paradoxes. The idea of getting pleasure from pain is simply obscure. I want my soul to be taken far. Further than anyone's imaginations can grasp, all I pray is for it to be better than this planet of misery.

Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow; no tomorrow, no tomorrow. I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take.

This song is a good representation of how I'm feeling right about now.

Existential.

My body has been stone cold since the later hours on friday night. I'm getting use to it.

The verdict.

My life, MY life is a world of misery.
My perspective has ultimately been proven correct.
Childhood consisted of verbal and physical abuse.
Early-teens consisted of death.
Mid-teens consisted of addiction.
Late-teens consisted of recovering.
Things get good, really fucking good, then out of the blue, pain caress'.
Literally fucking caress'.
Now, I have a whole new platter to deal with.
I was severely terrified of getting sexually assaulted,
I guess the things we fear most come true.
At this point, I feel like I deserve terrible thing's in my life.
I'm shaking like a cold chihuahua,
I feel like my innocents was taken,
I'm uncomfortable, severely fucking uncomfortable,
to the point where I feel dead.
I'm just gliding through my day,
everything's too fucking surreal.
I wish this was all a dream,
but instead it's a living nightmare.